Friday, 14 October 2016

Clover-Split-Persona Disease







I suffer a lot of atrocities since early in life because I have a family and a Country of origin of monsters: People who are realistically unlovable, unlikable, and unmissable. These people never wanted to let me go because, as I recently realised, I was raised to please others. When I became older, independent, especially financially, and smarter, they had no way to force me to them anymore, so that they wanted to invent a psychiatric illness in order to keep me serving them for life, so helping them with their kids because they obviously have a bad husband or wife, given that they are unlovable, unlikable, etc. Others wanted me to converse with them, since they obviously have non-loving kids and sisters, and brothers. Others wanted me to be their best friend, since they obviously do not have friends, especially true friends: people who wish for their welfare, who help them succeed, etc. The same feeling and wish occurs in the male that is unlovable, unlikable, and unmissable, therefore to Bradley and Rogerio, like Rogerio after those blessed two years, and Bradley at an early stage of our relationship: He also prefers having me as mentally ill and even impairing my mental faculties by means of the worst world atrocities to not having me anymore, since I am The Idiot, like I tolerate things to the extra-human level, I have patience that is never-ending, I never yell, I never hit back, etc. I am basically a Japanese geisha who never takes a leave, taking away very little of their duties. 




From being brutally attacked since the end of 2001 by the institutions of the government that are supposed to take care of my rights to privacy, property, and freedom instead, this upon requesting their services alleging maximum need, what now lasts for more than fourteen years in First World Democracy, I ended up succeeding in creating the mental illness that all those who attack me all these years and let me be attacked plus guaranteed that I cannot fight or react when it is my only life, head, body, perfect age, and perfect all else that is in this game, would like me to have from departure. My predominant mental illness, in this case, since we must remember that modern psychologists say that all of us suffer from all of them, and it is just a matter of degrees, is what we could now call Clover-Split-Persona Disease. 





Dr. Lea Maria, my mother, kept on telling me that she was trying to raise me in a very different way, that the way she had raised Lea Ricci Pinheiro was absolutely wrong, since she was obviously one of the most selfish creatures ever alive, and was also very aggressive, violent, and non-compliant. I today concluded that what she did was using her skills in Psychology and Psychiatry to basically split my persona. That would be a work done from outside of the human body through continuous brainwashing and conditioning, which frequently included Pavlovian techniques: having to stay on a chair for a long time until I complied, being denied a word from her when there was only me and her almost all the time at home until I complied, etc. These methods made me be the opposite to the psychopath I today concluded: I am the figure of the universal idiot, which, unfortunately, is also what she and her mother seemed to be in general. The universal idiot has the persona split into two parts: positive emotions and rationality. They do not have aggression, violence or reaction in their menu of choices, so that it is as if they were born lobotomised. To the other end of this spectrum would be he psychopath: Their persona is split into negative feelings and rationality instead.  





There are extraordinary gains with what has been made to my persona, but there are also extraordinary losses: The extraordinary gains all have to do with rationality, so sex, studies, work, military, etc. The extraordinary losses have to do with dealing with people who are disloyal to an extreme, since those will always injure us forever without any difficulties. The psychopath will always win, regardless of the society where they are, since they never get emotionally involved with anyone and always know what they themselves want, always managing to get it. If they get arrested, they lost, but, apart from that, they always win. The Universal Idiot will always lose in societies or environments where disloyalty reigns, like where the disloyalty levels are extreme. They have a very weak chance of winning, since success in life depends more on how you administer your personal life than on how you administer your professional life in most societies. In Japan, however, a person like me could always succeed, in traditional Japan after the liberation of women. That is because they used to live for their studies and work, like I always did, so that their expectations, in what regards life, are those. They then would tend to support a person like me instead of attacking. 




Basically, we all would have at least four possible drawers in our persona: positive feelings, negative feelings, rationality, and normal feelings. The Universal Idiot would have only positive feelings and rationality. The psychopath, the other extreme in this classification, would have only negative feelings and rationality. 




I hated Graham Priest when I was getting to know him in the condition of manager in the first semester of 2000 at the University of Queensland. Those were my actual feelings for him: I really hated all about him. I did ask him to be supervised by another person in the second semester and I definitely had a very clear choice: I said Debora Brown, like first choice, or Hyde. In this case, I was being assertive, like that far. My mother said that I suffer from non-assertiveness, and I now have associated her definition of non-assertiveness to the Clover-Split-Persona Disease. If I can communicate what I feel, I am assertive, so that I am an assertive person in general. My problem is not exactly that, but it is somehow that. For not having the adequate disease or term yet, she could not really express what she meant, which can only be what I have just found out. Priest imposed what I saw as a rule to me: Not Debora, at any expense, not Debora. I went emotional: he was old, he was from first world, he was a top researcher, he was the owner of the course, he was the person who made contact with me when I was looking for information, he touched my shoulder like my father used to in a picture we took together with our group in an outing that was due to a conference, and things like that. I felt seduced by him somehow, to the point of having pity on him and actually adopting him as I did with all my relatives before coming to Brazil, especially the old ones: I must take care of him, he has nobody else or he would not do that, I am responsible for the love I captivate, I am like his daughter, he himself said that, etc. I then tolerated, sublimated, and stretched to fit his wishes in my life, like I can cope with that. I do that since I am at most five years old. Reality is that nobody has the time to do that not only when they are five: Everyone has to live their own lives, and we should all be here to take care of ourselves in first place, so to make sure we do not depend on others if that is physically possible. My emotions go: Yes, Dr. Priest, I can do what you are asking. My rationality goes: I am paying an outrageous price for my course, I came to learn how to do professional research, and hopefully start doing that, I really don't like him and his attitude in general, and I definitely want someone else for the rest of my course. Why do I decide for emotions? One I was brainwashed to indeed be the good girl (I was mocked in Brisbane during these years, and one girl called me good girl as she attacked me, a stranger). Second is like: How can I leave my father without support? He needs me, he is saying that he does, etc. I basically take all this load that everyone else puts over my back since I am at most five: I take care of my older siblings, all inverted. I help them, all inverted. I didn't know why I did that, why I had these choices, until today. I then worked out that my mother, Dr. Lea Maria, realistically programmed me using some sort of method, so that I would be basically the opposite to Lea Ricci Pinheiro, the psychopath. Her fear of me becoming what the other was made her go to the other extreme, basically. I am therefore the  Frankstein of Dr. Lea Maria, I now think. It is indeed pretty hard to get it right: People are not usually prepared to give birth, to raise kids, etc. The Empire is here to change all, but The Empire will only take off if I am finally saved, if my human rights are finally fully restored, and if I have enough resources to do it, I am happy enough with the overall, etc. For me to be simply feeling less worse about all, I do need Marcia Hope in all three countries: US, BR, and AU. I do need those four weeks and a hell lot of money, basically. Once more, a lower approximation would be, by now, 500 million from each. I also need my entire martyrdom told in the press everywhere on earth as it is for me, hopefully through the words of the perpetrators who I decided are now witnesses, given the early involvement of the authorities for law and order in all, and the fact that they actually cause it all and keep me without a fighting chance intentionally and criminally all these years. I just need these people to blame somebody else for what they themselves did, but tell exactly what has been done to me all these years: Tell the miracles of God they saw through my body and life, tell what has been stolen, destroyed criminally, my pain, my suffering, etc. If we ever get all that, I should be able to properly start The Empire. If I get to that stage, and, in special, if I have a good man with me finally, a true partner, human kind will finally know what to do to raise kids properly, I promise, so how to raise kids for maximum success, with maximum chance of succeeding. 




One of the first concerns will always be true freedom inside of what is morally wanted: We should never raise kids for ourselves, which seems to be what my mother, Dr. Lea Maria, has done. Kids are indeed for the world. 




The most objective message would be that people would like us to depend on them, if possible even physically, if they are unlovable, unlikable, and unmissable. With this, they do want us to become mentally ill if we are adults and know that we don't want them either, just like everyone else before us. There are several ways to make a person become mentally ill. One of them is obviously crime, especially heavy violation of human rights for a prolonged time. We should make sure our society has only lovable, likeable, and missable people instead. We have to make sure they are worth the love of others, so that we need to make sure they are loyal to an extreme, and therefore faithful, they tell the truth to those who they take to be friends or should take to be friends (telling the truth does not mean telling everything, like hiding things is not lying. Telling the truth means that whatever is said is true), such as their parents, their siblings, and their public partners (those that appear with them in parties and others as if they were boyfriend or girlfriend or something else, so say husband or wife). A person who can conquer the love of others, as I seemed to always be able to do before this all started, will not violate human rights, I now think. What we should most wish for is  a race that is totally free from violation of human rights, since there is nothing that can destroy human life and human beings more than that. 




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