How to get people’s support when they do not want to give it to you?
This blog post could also be called how to make friends and influence people, is it not?
This is a book written by Dale Carnegie (Carnegie's book in Portuguese) that Jayme Braganca Pinheiro read when he was forced to spy on people during the horrors of dictatorship in Brazil.
Lea Maria Ricci blames this book for his success in doing such a thing.
The title in English is How to Win Friends and Influence People (Carnegie's book in English).
I started reading this book and felt absolutely disgusted, finding nothing useful in any part of it.
Inspired by two life episodes involving two women, one called Eirlys and another Lea (Maria Ricci), I got to the following recipe, which I think I am sure is an effective recipe:
1) Do not smile at any expense;
2) Do not provoke smiles or laughs at any expense (so that you should not cut the speech of the other to make a joke, for instance);
3) Focus to maximum degree, so that you should look always as if you are solving a scientific problem of major proportions whilst you listen or whilst you speak to the person;
4) Get the image of a DFD (Systems Analysis, IT) in your head and the balls being exploded each and every time you speak. It is just that you do not really want to get more specialized, but you want to open, to destroy boundaries, and etc. with your speech. It is just to keep the graphical idea in your mind as you speak. This explosion and multiplication of balls means that you will be asking open questions or making open assertions, so that you should, at any expense, avoid closing (do not use NO, I reject, I think, avoid I if possible, do not use like or emotional expressions, especially verbs, and etc.). Use things like, How do you feel working in this area?
5) Look for a big issue, that is what you are trying to get when you go through number 4, nothing else: The person should volunteer, at some stage, as you open to maximum, and give you a big problem of theirs, so say, For me it is really hard to keep my penis inside of my pants when I deal with women at work. You only stop doing number 4 if they finally give you this token about their main issue, their main problem.
6) Now you must become their savior: What is it that is really effective help that you can really give them? It may be that you have information that is priceless for them, so say that they could be taking a drug, drug X, so that their penis does not get aroused during the contact with those women. It may be that you know how to blog and their greatest problem is that they should have a blog but they don’t, so that you can actually build the blog for them, and so on so forth.
7) When you close the contact, you want them to leave you with the impression that they now have the support they always needed. Now they trust you at least for that item and you will try to expand the number of items as much as you can on each and every contact.
8) Never mention your problems until you have them IN YOUR HANDS, what means that they think they totally depend on you and they will do anything to keep on having you as a friend. You are also looking for any sort of information that can make them be EVEN MORE IN YOUR HANDS, so say they finally say their job is all on earth for them. You take note of that, since that is important. They say they would do anything for person X, for their welfare. You take note of that, and so on so forth. Every piece of information that they give is important and cannot be skipped.
9) Always think a lot before speaking and do not mind showing that you are thinking a lot each and every time, since that actually means respect and can therefore only help.